And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
