I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
