I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
