A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize