so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
