Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
