I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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