last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
soo... how was my night?
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