I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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