I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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