Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Randomize
