so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
