Ketchup is God's man juice
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
