Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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