i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
