Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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