he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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