How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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