He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
