dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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