you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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