Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
