dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
