dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
