Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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