We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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