The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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