My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
