are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Im part way to drunk.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
