I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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