my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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