My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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