What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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