Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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