you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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