is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
