Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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