his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
