I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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