so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
