I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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