have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
