Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
