I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
