a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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