i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
