He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize