last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
