420 ftw
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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