and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
