I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
