Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
two words...techno handjob
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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