Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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