I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
