Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
