i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
