Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
