Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
