i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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