I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
