He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
