If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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