so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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