remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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