The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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