i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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