There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
