I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
