You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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